Depression Blog

Proud of you for reaching out

In The Beginning

Please remember, this is a personal journey so though you may be different than I, just recognize what does resonate with you and start with that.

Now that I know how I was behaving, thinking and performing isn't healthy is the only reason I can speak about this now.

Very early in my working career but already in my 40's and after raising my three kids, I went to work full time to support a newly bought home out in the country.

I am not going to go into deep details at this time but this should give you an idea and hopefully some encouragement to seek professional help.
Mostly I was feeling stressed at work but to be honest, mostly at home. My ex and I fought a lot. I sometimes would stay at work overtime, statutory holidays, helping with shifts because it got to a point I was happier at work than I was at home. My children were teenagers by this time and we didn't interact as much which is something I wish I would have done differently.

I noticed the more stressed I was in my marriage, the harder it was to do my job. So now things were harder at home and at work.

I had very little patience with my kids but mostly my ex. He was a very loud verbal person which used to intimidate me until it became his normal way of communicating.
These type of signs started to happen -
A lot of crying - mostly just because I was so unhappy and I didn't know what to do
Acting - I became a very good actor because I didn't want the family to know how bad things were
Avoiding - I would spend longer time at work, church & shopping to delay going home
Silence - I started shutting down and allowed my ex to be controlling but with regret
Thoughts - my thoughts were just driving straight into the wall of rocks to the left of me and end it
Suggested Books The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression,
One Small Change at a Time
I told my doctor about these thoughts and the medication started.
That is another story for another day.

Going over some of the signs, crying a lot was a sign but I kept saying it's it just me, and I'll be fine later or tomorrow. I actually taught my kids how to act as well without realizing I was doing that. Silence or shutting down wasn't intentional it was because I was exhausted in fighting and was no longer interested in entertaining visitors.

This is where my story takes a very good twist. I found an amazing psychiatrist.

Since then, I saw her weekly. From that day forward, I slowly got stronger and stronger. Knowledge is power.
If you would like to know more details consider subscribing and I will let you know when I have updated this page. Super proud of you for taking a step towards recovery.
This is amazing step.
Please consider reaching out to someone you can trust.
Consider reading books that you can relate to.

Crisis Line 988

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